Feeding The Masses (2004)

Directed by: Richard Griffin
Starring: William Garberina, Rachael Morris, William DeCoff

Torch: We can't send people out tomorrow like there's nothing wrong. They're going to die! I know then news is mostly crap, but I can't remember the last time we flat-out lied about shit on purpose.

Feeding The Masses (not to be confused with the scatalogical classic Feeding Them Asses) is a direct to video zero-budget modern day zombie movie. Set in Rhode Island, the film follows a three-man news crew and their military escort as they attempt to cover the recent outbreak of the Lazarus Virus. If you've seen any zombie movie ever made you already know the set up. The dead have mysteriously risen from the grave, and THEY WANT BRAINS!!!

Zombies LOVE red paint.

The gimmick of this movie is that the story of the zombie infestation is told through the no-so-truthful eye of the American media. The problem is, the government is so intent on maintaining a sense of normalcy that they have taken over all newscasts and are announcing that the zombies have been contained and that Americans should return to their normal activities. Our goodhearted news crew realizes that encouraging citizens to leave their houses is akin to a death sentence, and decide that it's up to them to broadcast footage of the zombie carnage to warn America what is really going on. I'm not sure why people couldn't just look outside, see the zombies, and figure it out for themselves, but there you go.

I can see the genesis of this movie now: A bunch of liberal film students sitting around a bong bitching about how Fox News is ruining America by failing to tell the truth about the war against terror. One of them decides it would be a great subject to make a movie about, and other suggest making an allegorical flick using zombies instead of terrorists. Yeah, the kids these days love those Zombies! Four weeks later they've managed to churn out Feeding The Masses, and they're ready to take on the world baby! Unfortunately, the movie is about as subtle as a heart attack, relentlessly beating the message into the viewer at every turn.

The movie's omnipresent governmental go-out-and-shop message is an obvious dig at the 'If You Don't Do X the Terrorists Have Already Won' mentality that, like the rest of the movie, comes across overly preachy. Throw in sappy monologue after monologue, and you've got a movie with a seriously over-inflated sense of self importance. I mean, when you're making a movie that features a zombie attacking a stripper, you really shouldn't pretend you're Making An Important Statement.

On the other hand, when the movie stops being preachy, it has some pretty funny elements. Director Richard Griffin takes the last 5 minutes of Shaun of the Dead's Z-Day media blitz, and expands it into a series of commercial and newsbreak vignettes. He intersperses these segments (featuring things like an ACLU March for Zombie Rights and a commercial for Berman & Berman Reclaimation & Reburial) with the main four character storyline. These bits are generally funny, and ended up being my favorite thing about this movie.


It's funny, but I bet this would actually exist if Zombies started attacking.


Get it? It's like the Homeland Security Color Chart.. But with Zombies! Har-D-Har.

One of the things I always like about these no-budget direct to video movies is that the filmmakers basically have to make do with whatever actors they can recruit from community theaters and film classes. This inevitably means that the tough guy hero is never that mean looking, and the supposedly hot lead actress is... of questionable appearance. This movie is no exception. In fact, a quick IMDB search reveals that most of these actors have never been in another movie, and those that have all seem to appearring together in the same direct to video movies (including such gems as The Stink of Flesh and Raving Maniacs).


Yup, that's our pansy-ass tough guy & pig-nosed gap toothed hot chick.

Also worth nothing is that Feeding The Masses features a scene where one of the leads pumps both fists into the air, and yells 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo!' at the sky while the camera zooms dramatically out. I only mention it because the scene is almost identical to Vader's infamous scene in Revenge of the Sith, and not surprisingly is just as bad. So, congrats Uncle George... you've got eleventy billion dollars and can't manage to rise above the domain of Z-level dreck.


One's a no-talent assclown delivering the worst line in cinema...


The other is Feeding The Masses.

Feeding the Masses is a perfect example of most of the direct to video horror coming out today. It's bland, largely non-offensive, and mostly uncreative. The best ones make up for their unoriginality with lots of gore and nudity, but unfortunately this movie lacks even that. I'm quite sure that two weeks from now I won't be able to remember anything about this movie. Like Keyser Söze... poof, just like that, it's gone.

If you're friends with any of the 'stars' of this movie, I'm sure you've already seen it. If you aren't, I can't think of much reason for you to seek it out. It'd probably be quicker and easier to grab a poly-sci major and have him explain his learned views on the current state of world affairs. At least that way you're likely to score some weed.


- Micah

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