Butt-Numb-A-Thon 7

Directed by: Harry Knowles
Starring: Warren Oates, Naomi Watts, Fay Wray, Natalie Portman, Grant Page, and the combined talent of Sorcery

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I just got back from BNAT 7, and it was amazing. As I start writing this it's 4:30 Sunday afternoon. I've been up since 8AM Saturday morning. I've seen 10 movies (5 old, 5 new), 2 Masters of Horror episodes, and dozens of trailers. I've had 2 bags of popcorn, 1 Porky's Pepperoni w/ jalepenos, 3 Red Bull, 1 Starbucks Expresso Drink, chips & queso, bottomless soda & countless coffee refills. Point is, if this review seems a bit scattered, or you find one or twenty typos, just consider part of the 'reality' of a 24 hour movie marathon at the Alamo Drafthouse...

Executive Summary: Favorite Movies - King Kong, B13, Drum, Cigarette Burns
Compared to Last Year: While BNAT6 had higher highs (Kung Fu Hustle & Ong Bak), BNAT7 was consistantly high-quality films (i.e., no Lemony Snicket or Phantom of the Opera). Every movie this year was either (a) a good movie (Kong, V for Vendetta, Footlight Parade...) or (b) not great per se, but played perfectly with the audience (Stunt Rock, The Descent...). For a more indepth look at the last 24 hours, read on...

So, I wasn't actually on the list to get into BNAT this year. Nevertheless, I decided to make the trek down to Austin and hope against hope that I'd get a standby ticket. I did, but just barely.

9:00 - Show up at Drafthouse with Blake... there's already 9 people in front of us, but since they're giving out tickets raffle-style this year, that's no biggie.
9:10 - Brian shows up and joins us in line.
10:30 - The line is snaking around the side of the Drafthouse, and I'm starting to get worried at the sheer number of raffle tickets Karen is giving out... I'm also realizing that the odd of our trio all making it in are slim...
11:00 - The people with tickets (AKA- the lucky bastards) start going inside... the standby line starts to grumble.
11:30 - Karen announces that she has 11 seats to divide among 40-50 people. This isn't looking good.
11:37 - Brian gets ticket number #7. He heads inside. Lucky stiff.
11:39 - The last standby ticket is sold. Me and Blake are still outside... crap. But, as a Jack Black will say later today "Defeat is always momentary!"
11:55 - Most of the standby people have gone home... nine of us remain, faces pressed against the glass of the Alamo door. Just then, I see a pair of shoes coming down the stairs... it's Karen, and she's got 3 MORE SEATS!
12:01 - I get seat #1
12:02 - A guy who was in the raffle line since 5:30 AM gets seat #2... good for him... things aren't looking good for Blake though.
12:03 - Blake gets seat #3, and our little trio has somehow overcome the odds. We're in for the duration of BNAT 7... nevermind that we're 2 rows from the front... against the right most wall... in a wooden folding chair... it's BNAT baby... BNAT! We walk in just in time to see the opening credits for:

The Most Dangerous Game (1932):
Fay Wray and Joel McCrea get trapped in the castle of mad Count Zaroff, a world-renouned hunter who has grown board of his prey, and decided to hunt the most dangerous game of the all... MAN! Good solid opener, hits all the spots you'd expect... I was surprised at how great Leslie Banks was in this film as Zaroff. For my award for best villain of the night, it's a toss-up between Zaroff, a T-Rex, and a guy named K-2. That's right, I said T-Rex, because the next movie is:

King Kong (2005):
2PM: But first, we're treated to a teaser trailer for the stop-motion Ray Harryhausen-presented Pit and the Pendulum that is apparently forthcoming. The creators hyped their site, but warned us that "it's only been up for a day, and it kinda sucks." They promise more to come, and the teaser looks cool. They also showed us a short real announcing the re-awakening of a long dead project. Seems that after Merian C. Cooper made Kong, he wanted to do something... bigger. Unfortunately WWII happened, and the epic War Eagles got scrapped. It looks like things are finally coming together for the film to be made however, and Harryhausen is coming out of retirement to work on it. Sounds awsome.

Before the movie started, Harry told us that he'd decided not to show Kong, but to screen a movie that Peter Jackson's been working on in private about the Avian Flu epidimic. With that, we get an pre-taped into by a visibly nervous young man who begins to tell us about the low budget film Peter let him make. "It looks pretty good, most of the time... and it's mostly audible. There are no subtitles, but I think you'll get the general picture..." Just then a svelt Mr. Jackson walks on screen, interrupts the young man, and informs him that he made a promist 2 BNATs ago to screen the 8th Wonder of the World, and... well... he's not going to have that promise broken for a movie about Bird Flu. Sorry nervous guy... maybe next year. Very funny bit, and we cut straight to the movie.

Now, I'll make a confession that's not going to win me a lot of friends. I haven't been that fired up about Kong. For months I've been telling anyone who would listen that the movie is horribly miscast... apart from Naomi Watts (who makes a great dame in peril), nobody seemed to fit with the roles they're playing. After seeing the film, however, I'm pleased to say that I liked the movie. Quite a bit... but I still think I'm right about the cast. The 'romance' between Watts and Brody seems like an afterthought, and has zero passion. Jack Black is good, but it's just impossible for that guy not to be cartoony... not that that's bad normally, I love Black, but in this role... and the less said about Tom Hanks' kid the better... at least he's not in it much (although we can only cross our fingers for yet another Orange County cast reunion.) That's not to say all the humans in the film are bad... Jamie (Billy Elliot) Bell put on one of the performances of the night as Jimmy the deckhand with a mysterious past.

With all that being said... I was blown away with how much I connected with Kong. He was far and away the most likeable character in the entire movie. I just couldn't get past how much I felt for Kong, and at the amazing range of emotion and personality they were able to portray. You know that amazing final scene in Long Good Friday, where Bob Hoskins is in the backseat of the car, and the camera just stay on his face for several minutes as you watch him silently evaluate his options and eventually accept his fate? Now imagine Hoskins is a 25 foot gorilla, and you've got some idea of the acting chops of this ape. Almost from his first meeting with Watts, you can tell that he knows this won't end well... and there's not a damn thing he can do about it.

And the action... it never lets up. I was physically exhausted after watching this movie. The stretch on Skull Island in particular is ball-out unrelenting. From hundreds of natives who look like they can straight from a J-Horror movie to an extended Brontosaurus chase, to a bone crunching, skull splitting (literally) showdown between Kong and 3 T-Rexes... this is one movie you'll need a nap afterwards. But not just yet, because we still have 10 movies to go... let's head on to...

Footlight Parade (1933):
5 PM: Harry said he had decided to stay in 1930's New York and show his favorite musical of all time. Sweet... I've been wanting to see this film for over 10 years now... ever since I saw a scene from the film where 3-4 dozen chorus girls do an amazing synchronized swimming number at some clip show at the MGM theme park.

I liked this movie a lot... James Cagney is Chester Kent, the man responsible for creating new 'Prologues' each week. For those of you who didn't go to movies in the 30's, a prologue was a live show that movie theater would put on before showing the actual film. In the world of Footlight Parade, prologues are elaborate, costly endeavors, with dozens of singers and dancers set to themes like Cats, Honeymoon Hotel, Slaves of Old Africa, and Nurses. Kent has 3 days to come up with 3 show-stopping prologues, or he loses the coveted Apollo contract to the rival Goldstein company. To make matters worse, his choreographer's a nut-job, the censors are on his tail, he's discovered a spy in his midst, and there's a girl... there's always a girl.

I love movies from this era for their lyrical dialogue and extremely quick wit. For instance, when one of the young girls auditioning for Kent gets dismissed, she hurtfully exclaims "I'll have you know, I've sung before crowned heads." Cagney smiles at her and says "You've left yourself wide open for a crack kid... I'll let it pass." Or, when the censor gets caught necking with one of the showgirls, he stands up, and in an embarassed huff, explains "I was just showing her what you can't do in Kalamazoo." The only thing these days with the same feel is, oddly enough, Deadwood and Gilmore Girls. Go figure. Anyway, great dialogue, great dance numbers, great songs. I know this wasn't everyone's cup of tea, but I really enjoyed it. (For those keeping track, we saw a Betty Boop Tin Soldiers cartoon before the film).

Masters of Horror (2005) - Sick Girl:
Directed: Lucky McKee
7PM: For this screening, we find out that Lucky and Angela Bettis (May) are in the audience. They do a quick intro, suggest that we're going to be watching a romantic comedy, then the episode begins. Overall, I thought this episode was fair. It was only the 2nd I've seen from MoH (the first being the one with Ethan Embry and MoonFace). Bettis plays a bug-ologist who gets an unusual specimen in the mail. Of course, the bug gets loose in Bettis' apartment, and takes a chunk out of her live-in girlfriend Misty Mundae's ear. The bug's venom begins to change and control Mundae, in a very Frank Henenlotter/Brain Damage kinda way. I won't spoil the plot for you, since it will be on TV soon. I will point out that Bettis goes into this really annoying Joan Cusack whenever she talked to her bugs that made me want to shoot her. And, it may have been a function of the angle where I was sitting, but I the climax of the film was too dark for me to see what was going on.

Bettis and McKee did a Q&A afterwards, and Bettis answered the question that was on everyone's mind... the answer is yes. Misty Mundae is a good kisser. The Q&A was short, because we had to get to...

Sympathy for Lady Vengeance (2005):
8:20: We start with trailers for Lucky 7, a kung fu movie starring 7 little kids who really get just get the crap beat out of them for the entire trailer. And it's clear that they aren't cutting away to a midget stunt double or anything... they're really punching a kid in the face and throwing him through a window. 3 times actually. Next was The Soul of Bruce Lee, one of those great Japanese trailers where they tried to add 'Exciting Captions' to the trailer, that end up horribly wrong: "Watch him Train With Electrical Deuces!" and "Erroneous Doctrines!" and "Vital Duels!" Great stuff.

If you've seen any of Chan-wook Park's films, you know what to expect. Revenge, and lots of it. In a lot of ways, I felt this was a must more 'realistic' depiction of revenge than either Oldboy or Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance. I didn't notice any real ties to either of those movies, so you don't have to see those before you can watch this one. The barebones plot is that Lee Geum-Ja (a beautiful Yeong-ae Lee) has just gotten out of jail after spending several years there for a crime she may or may not have committed. Of course, she's mad about something, and someone is going to pay. There's some really hardcore stuff in this film... it got very hard to watch at times. But, Park's one of those directors where the less you know, the better... so I'll leave it at that. Highly enjoyed this one.

The Professionals (1966):
10:50PM: Harry has apparently been searching for this film (along with Footlight Parade) for years to show at BNAT. He compares it favorably to The Wild Bunch, mostly because it has "Jack Palance as the Definitive version of what a Mexican should be... if he were Jack Palance." Harry says he means no disrepect to his Mexican friends. "Guillermo Del Toro is a fine Mexican... but he isn't Mexican Jack Palance." Harry's intro completely fails to mention the best thing about this movie... Lee Marvin... he absolutely owns this film. I've reviewed this movie before, and my thoughts are pretty much the same this time around. It does have two of my all time favorite movie quotes, that I feel obliged to mention:
Rico (Lee Marvin): So what else is on your mind besides 100-proof women, 90-proof whiskey, and 14-karat gold?
Bill (Burt Lancaster): Amigo… you just wrote my epitaph.

J.W. Grant (Jack Palance): You bastard.
Rico (Marvin): Yes sir. In my case an accident of birth. But you, you're a self-made man.

There will never be another one like Marvin. Before the movie we saw the trailer for The Desperado... if you've never seen it, don't. I just recently managed to get the song out of my head from QT6... now it's back. Damn. Damn. Da....DES-PERADOOOOOOO! We also saw the trailer for Once Upon a Time in the West There Was A Man Called Invincible, which apparently is about a gunslinger named Tricy Dickie who shoots the clothes off his opponents. Seems like an odd thing to learn to do, but... We also got the trailer for Pirates of the Carribean 2... looks like a good follow up to the 1st.

Banlieue 13 (2004), AKA District 13, District B-13:
1AM: We've crossed the halfway point, time-wise. I'm feeling pretty good, although I caught the guy who'd been in like since 5AM snoring for a bit during The Professionals. He's awake and ready to go now though.. we get trailers for Scorpions and Miniskirts (What secret is held within this simple bottle of perfume?), Danger Girls (The most thrilling motion picture ever filmed... in Latin America), and Seven Golden Women vs Two 07. Great sequence of trailers. The we go to the the movie that was hyped as the "French answer to Ong Bak."

The movie is a kick-ass pseudo-post-apocalypic movie with great characters and amazing fight scenes. I say pseudo-post-apocalyptic, because really only half of society is in disarray. Seems in 10-15 years the Paris decides to build a wall around the 'trouble areas' of town, withdrawing schools, cops, etc. The result, as you would imagine, is chaos. The walled-off area is ruled by by an egomaniac named Taha (Bibi Naceri), who controls the women, the weapons, and the drugs. This doesn't sit well with a young guy named Leito (David Belle), especially the drug part. The movie opens just after Leito has stolen several kilos of Taha's drugs. You expect for Leito to sell it himself, but nope... he's going to destroy them, establishing that not everyone on 'the inside' lives like a savage.

After a series of events not worth going into here, Leito must team up with Damien, a cop from the outside, to stop a bomb from exploding within the walled-off area. Luckily for the two of them, they're both masters of a freestyle-walking based form of martial arts that allows them to kick all kinds of ass.

As good as the fights are, the highlight for me was K2 (Tony D'Amario), Taha's enforcer. Imagine a cross between Silent Bob and Bullet Tooth Tony, and you've got some picture of K2. Easily my favorite character in the film. You can definitely see similarities between this film and Ong Bak. Remember back in the 80's when we got a flood of Bloodsport clones? I would be just fine with getting a similar slew of hard-hitting, bone-cracking fighting movies based on Ong Bak. Suits me just fine.

Masters of Horror - Cigarette Burns (2005):
Directed: John Carpenter
2:50AM: This is the MoH episode written by AICN's own Moriarty (aka Drew McWeeny). And, I can honestly say, it is the first MoH I've seen that didn't have that 'TV-Feel' to it. Cigarette Burns is creepy and disturbing in a makes-you-want-to-take-a-bath afterwards way. It's about a film collector (Udo Kier) searching for an incredibly rare print... to say more would lessen it's impact. Let me just suggest that you watch this short alone, with the phone off the hook, in the dark, with the volume cranked to 11. You'll thank me later.

Before the episode we got a teaser for a 80's horror-homage Harry Knowles is associated with called 2Gether 4Ever. As a guy who watches a lot of 80's horror (against my better judgment), I was impressed at how much the teaser nailed the feel of those older movies. I got a chance to talk to Dwight Pepper, a guy who did 3d work on the teaser, and he seemed pretty excited about the film. Here's hoping the movie is as good as the teaser.

The Descent (2005):
4AM: Eli Roth introduces a quick clip from Hostel, which he lovingly called The Eyegasm Scene. Sounded cool, but what we saw was something... not quite finished. The audience nervously chuckled, and was relieved when Eli yelled out a sudden apology for the clip. "If I had seen it before today, I would have shown something else... sorry."

The Descent has a bunch of indistinguishable girls with indistinguishable problems going into a dark cave getting attacked by indistinguishable monsters... monsters who look and act like Gollum on angel dust. Now it could be the fact that it's 4 in the morning, but I had no idea who half the girls were in the film, especially once they got down into the dark. "Ok, is this the punk/slutty one, or the preppy/whorish one?" It also reminded me how annoying girls in a group can be. That being said, it was a hell of a good 'Things-That-Go-Bump' film. Nothing wrong with a solid by the numbers horror flick in my book.

15 Minute Break: I haven't been mentioning breaks much, and for good reason... we didn't take many. Especially compared to last year's 'Go Out and get Re-Security-Checked After Every Damn Movie' fiasco (also known as "I Went Through All of That For Lemony Snickett?"). I guess Tim and Harry wanted to stay on schedule, because they showed 2-3 movies or more without any breaks at all. You need to pee? Too damn bad sucker... shouldn't have bought the bottomless soda, huh? Actually, I was kinda nice to keep the flow of the movies uninterruped... allowed for a more complete movie nirvana bliss. Sometime during this break I wrote down on my pad "I CANT READ MY WATCH." I remember literally having to count the dots on my watch, and doing the whole "Big hand on 5, Little hand on 8" thing before finally realizing it was 5:40... break's over

Stunt Rock (1978), AKA Sorcery:
5:40AM: Harry's intro for this was short and to the point. "This is kinda fucked up... not sure if you're going to like it... but you've got enough good stuff already. I'm showing one for me" For those of you who've never been to a Drafthouse event, the trailer for Stunt Rock (along with the trailer for Bodyguard, Putney Swopes, and Chatterbox) is somewhat legendary. It seems to always make an appearance (I later found out that I missed the trailer earlier in the day when I was trying to get my stand-by ticket) because it gets such a great crowd reaction. The trailer is one of those perfect 'group experience' trailers, featuring both stunts (courtesy of Grant Page) and rock (courtesy of hair-metal band Sorcery). And that's it... that's the whole trailer. For years people have wondered if there was more to the film. After all, it was directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith, the director behind movies like Dead-End Drive In, BMX Bandits, and Turkey Shoot... it can't just be all stunts and rock... right?

Think again. Now, having seen Stunt Rock in its full 86 minute glory, I can definitively say: Nope... thats it. Just Stunts. And Rock. The movie's opening warning: "This Film Contains Many Dangerous Stunts" was met with thunderous applause, as the Drafthouse audience finally got to witness that with which we'd been teased for so long. The film follows real life stunt man Grant Page (everything from Mad Max to The Pirate Movie) as he pals around with a hair metal group named Sorcery. He tells them stories about his stunt work (perfect excuse for numerous flashbacks) and they teach him magic tricks (perfect excuse for numerous pieces of concert footage). Repeat 8-9 times, and you've got yourself a movie.

Although Sorcery looks and sounds like a 3-rate KISS knockoff, they were a real, honest-to-goodness band. Feel free to check out the Sorcery Home Page for proof (and MP3s!). I don't know for a fact, but these guys had to be the inspiration for Spinal Tap. They've got band members with names like King of Wizards and Prince of Darkness. They've got a keyboard player who wears a mask throughout the film. Hell, they've even got a guitar player who's a dead ringer for Harry Shearer. The band describes their performance technique, with great gravitas, thustly: "It's like we're shaking the audience around for 90 minutes. Then we put them down. And they're like... man... whoa!" Yet even with this strategy, the boys are humble. When Grant and a lady-friend come to see Sorcery for the first time, they run backstage during intermission to congratulate the band on how well the show's going so far:

Ladyfriend: This is a really great show... fantastic!
Band Member: Oh, thanks... why don't you stick around for the second half?

Come on Sorcery... have a little faith in yourself! Of course the lady wants to stay for the second half... she told you your show's FANTASTIC! The movie's only character development comes from Grant's newspaper reporter friend. At first she doesn't think much of stunts. Then, of the course of 86 LOOOOONG minutes, she comes to appreciate them. We know she does, because her final line is, and I quote: "How could I have been so blind! Stunts are truly a form of art. What you guys are doing is really going to catch on. I'm going to write an article about it. I'll call it... Stunt Rock!" Well... that kind of intricate storytelling is why Trenchard-Smith makes the big bucks, and I dont.

Drum (1976):
7:25AM: Another film I had seen, this one courtesy of the Drafthouse's amazing (and free) Weird Wednesday series. Lars, the host of that series is an encyclopedia of exploitation cinema knowledge. His intro to this film was basically (a) praise of it's stars, Warren Oates and Rainbeaux Smith, and (b) apologies for it's incredibly offensive racism. See, Drum is the sequel (kinda) to Mandigo, and it stars Oates as an amazing bigoted, racist, and unapologetic slave owner/breeder. Nothing describes the greatness that is Oates in this film... if you haven't seen it, your life is poorer for it. Can you really say you've lived if you haven't heard the Cockfighter himself deliver dialog like "That's enought talkin... get to humpin'"... or "I gots to give my bucks wenches - they saps a risin!"... or "I loves me some big ol' titties"... or, and this is my favorite, "Woman... don't go meddling around with my poontang!" This was a great movie to wake everybody back up, and while it wasn't the cinema-terrorism that was Children Shouldn't Play With Toys or Teenage Mother, it went over well.

Before the film started we saw trailers for Eunich of the Western Palace, featuring several young boys getting castrated, and Thunder Cops, which features an amazing RC Helicopters vs Disembodied Floating Head chase scene. Looks like a must see. And now we were at the final break of the night... they gave us about 30 minutes to eat breakfast and get re-scanned. Re-scanned you say? Must be something big... must be...

V For Vendetta (2005):
10AM: Very big reaction when Harry announced this one, especially when he said that Warner Brothers had to call the Berlin Film Festival (where it was supposed to debut) to see if anyone would mind a BNAT showing. "What world are we living in where that sentence can even exist?!?!" Harry exclaimed. We apparently have the only print currently in existance, and that print only showed up 2 hours before we screened it. Pretty cool. Before the film we got to see an amazing print of In Der Fuhrer's Face, an old Disney WWII propaganda film that has Donald Duck as a Nazi. You can get this short (and a ton of other amazing cartoons) in the Disney On the Front Lines collection. This particular print came from Nicky Katt's archives. Hmmmmm. Beyond the novelty of Donald as a Nazi, this is an incredibly funny cartoon. Plus, the animation is spectacular. We also got to see a 2600 StarMaster Commercial, The Return of Captain Invincible, X3, and MI:3 (apparently we're the first audience to see it... there was an uncomfortable silence whenever Cruise first showed up on the trailer... I fear Mr. Cruise has a long road ahead of him.

I haven't read any of the source material that V for Vendetta is based on, so I can't speak to it's success as an adaptation. I can tell you that the audience reaction was strong throughout, and I personally liked it very much. I'd have to see it again, but my first tendency is to say that Natalie Portman just gave her finest performance to date. With my current state of sleep deprivation, I'm having trouble expressing how much I liked this movie... so I'll just say that it was really, really good, and kept me (and the rest of the audience) on the edges of our seats after 21+ hours of films... there isn't a much higher compliment. The final thirty minutes were incredibly moving, and powerful, and inspirational. A truly great end to the festival.

With that said, I do want to point out one particular brand of stupidity that was rampant throughout this screening. This film is set in a future in which the government has assumed unprecedented levels of power by scaring the general populace into giving up rights. Sound familiar? Of course, comparisons could be drawn, at least on some level, to the current US political landscape. Now, without getting into my personal political leaning, let me give out one simple piece of advice to those of you planning on seeing this film: Oohing and aahing and clapping and cheering when a movie character makes a political statement that, on its surface, agrees with your own personal philosophy does not make you 'cool' or 'politically savvy.' It makes you a tool. (Especially when a closer inspection at the character's ethos reveals some quite unsavory values.)

Example: At one point in this film, a character makes the statement that is on the film's poster, "People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people." As soon as that line was spoken, a huge chunk of the theater let out a giant whoop, like they were in the middle of a Michael Moore rally. Of course, I didn't hear anyone cheering when character, in the same speech, announced that "sometimes you have to blow up a building in order to change things."

I don't know if that make sense to you, so let me say it this way. I really like pizza, especially pepperoni pizza. That's fine and great, but if a character in a movie mentioned that they liked pepperoni pizza also, and I screamed in the theater "I LIKE PIZZA TOO!", people would think I was an idiot, and rightfully so. I guess my point is, if you want to cheer every time you agree with something that is said on-screen, that's one thing. But if you're only doing it during political bits (or, for instance, whenever an old movie depicts a negative racial stereotype), then you're probably only doing it to make sure everone else knows how much you hate George Bush (or racism, etc). And it's the 'wanting to make sure everyone else realizes that you like the same thing they do' thing that seems kinda toolish in my book. Then again, it's a free country... do whatever the hell you want.

One last story, which I swear is true, to show how these marathon events can screw with your mind in weird ways. During the film, Portman gets her hair cut short. When that was happening, I suddenly thought "Hmmm.. she looks just like the chick from the Matrix... blank...blank... why can't I remember her name?" That was at 7AM, which is, at this point, almost 12 hours ago. I still, for the life of me, can't remember that damn woman's name. I want to say Kate Moss or Carrie Fischer, but those are obviously wrong. I wasn't about to ask my friends the woman's name, and I'm sure as hell not going to check IMDB. I'm better than this... all I need is a few hours sleep, and then Ms... Beckensale?...no... I'm sure it will come to me... it has to... right? Tomorrow I'll post pictures of our swag, including a sweet deck of cards from NoShame films.

- Micah